Monday, February 13, 2012

The Mommy Wars

There is something that has been bothering me a lot lately. I'm guilty of it and it really disgusts me so I am on a mission to change. There have been a million blog posts/books/notes/etc. written about this topic, but the advantage of having a blog is to get your thoughts and feelings out so that your husband doesn't have to listen to you talk about it yet again. As a mom, some of your biggest cheerleaders, and sadly, biggest naysayers are...other moms. We can be brutal to one another and it needs to stop. So I am starting with myself..I don't want to do it anymore, because I don't want people to do it about me, so please everyone encourage me and stop me from judging other moms. I want to apologize for saying something negative about you and questioning your choices..if you are a mom I have probably judged you..even if you're my friend..even if you're one of my best friends and I am really sorry!

Here are some of the topics that I have heard moms "discussing" about other mothers..and sometimes I heard it really well because it was me saying it.

  • At what stage in life people choose to have children
  • What they are going to name their child/children, and how it will be spelled
  • If they are going to deliver naturally or get an epidural
  • Breastfeeding/Formula 
  • Stay at home mom/working mom
  • Vaccines/Delayed/None
  • Preschool/No preschool
  • How much TV kids watch
  • Clothes that mothers put on their kids
  • The nursery decor
  • When parents choose to take their baby out in public or to church for the first time
  • Who and how long someone stays to help with the new baby
  • Spanking/some spanking/no spanking
  • The words parents use for all sorts of things..from the pacifier to using the bathroom
  • How close people choose to have children
  • How many children people want
  • Public/Private school
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Bed times
  • What people feed their kids
  • Which seat parents choose to install the car seat in their car
  • Pediatricians 
  • Tummy sleeping/bumpers
  • Baby sleeping the parents room/putting baby straight into the crib
  • If parents choose to go on a trip without their young kids
  • When to cut a child's hair
Pretty much anything could be added to this list but as I typed it I most of these are extremely personal decisions! Different things work for different people, our tastes are all different and all kids are different! 

Do I have an opinion on pretty much every topic there is when it comes to parenting...sure! And I will gladly share it with you if you want to know, but I am striving to do that out of love and without judgement. 

One things I have learned form some of my best mommy friends is that even when they have a totally different opinion than me, they have made that choice out of love for their child or because they just don't think its a big deal! 

Our awesome preacher..Bill Watkins touched on children's behavior during church last night and as always..he had one sentence that just stuck with me. "If you wouldn't say it to them, don't say it about them." So unless its something that I feel is worth taking to my friend and encouraging her or trying to help her/warn her/ understand her..I don't need to say it to someone else. 

Mommy friends-join me, help me, encourage me PLEASE! I need your help to be better and I think that its hard enough to make all the right choices without someone talking about you behind your back. I'm going to do some things that you wouldn't do or that you think are weird..but unless you think it is going to hurt my family spiritually..try to let it go and I will show you the same courtesy. 

1 comment:

  1. This is a great post! I am in the same boat (trying not to judge others who make different decisions than me). You forgot to add to the list: cloth diapers verses disposables, ha ha!! Just kidding. Though I know that there are some very eco-friendly moms who might disapprove of those who use disposables, I guess. Please don't be so hard on yourself, Abby...You and I and ALL of us young mothers are doing the best we can with the VAST amount of information we have at our fingertips (we have the advantage/burden of internet access to just about anything), and we're going to make mistakes and we're going to accidentally judge one another. It's human nature, unfortunately, but thankfully we have a forgiving Father and forgiving friends! I promise to encourage you - as I know you will me - that we will be supportive to all our mama friends without judgment. Your humble spirit shows in this post, and you have given me lots to think about, which I appreciate so much. I, too, was convicted by Bill's statement last night! (Wouldn't you know that Jack decided to "act out" right there at the end, too, LOL!) Love your spirit, lady...