Let me just share with you all that when people tell you that adoption will teach you patience..they are right. This is not a complaint, it's just a fact. We were fully aware of what we were getting into so we are using it to let God mold us into stronger Christians. The end result of this adoption will be wonderful, but the things that have to happen for our family to grow this way, are anything but wonderful. There is going to be heartache, abandonment, loss, grief, fear, and sadness. The word orphan is not happy, its sad. But if anyone can bring beauty from the ashes..its God.
As I mentioned before, some parts of adoption are a little hard to wait on. Ryan and I get really excited if we get an e-mail from our agency (which they are great about communication, they don't make us wait). So there was definitely some jumping up and down and thanksgiving when we found out that our first home study visit was scheduled! The NEXT step, progress, more validation that this is real. We prayed hard for our home study to be scheduled within a certain amount of time and God answered YES to that!
What is a home study? Well, I will know more in about a week..seeing as I haven't been involved in one yet, I may not be the best person to answer this question. However, I can share with you what we have read and been told about them. Our awesome case worker will come and visit us in our very clean home next week. He will ask us a lot of questions and probably answer a lot of questions. An assessment will be made about the suitability of our home for raising children. We'll give a tour, we'll probably get personal, and I don't plan on being offended for one moment. Right now I am not even nervous because I feel we have nothing to hide or to be ashamed of. We are NOT perfect. But pretty much all we want to do is love another child and whatever we need to do to make that happen..it's fine with me.
The adoption process isn't perfect and smooth all the time. I am sure there are things that some people would change about it. We are going to endure though, because, once again..end result..wonderful. The other night I was lying in bed just crying...adoption hormones. I was thinking about some of the really sad things in this world. My child who may suffer from things ranging from hunger to abuse. People who just die too young. Homelessness. Cancer. Child Soldiers. Adultery. Murder. Poverty. Sin. Hell. Sometimes if you open your eyes to the sad things in this world it can be like a weight just crushing you. But sometimes, it can make you so grateful that God designed something to come after this life.
There is not a good answer for "Why?" The only one I can come up with is This is Not home.
So, like Ryan and I know that our new family will be worth it all, so is this life. No matter how tough..Heaven will surely be worth it all.